Handling nastygrams online

There are myriad ways to move on.

They say people are nastier on the internet than they are in real life because of the anonymity. I don’t think that’s true, because I’ve seen plenty of hate come from perfectly identifiable Google accounts on public product issue trackers, even long after a very-much-face-having company representative gets on the bug.

I’ve added an illustrative few from my own experiences, inspired by comments I’ve really read addressed to me. Some get very personal.

This is ridiculous.

What a joke.

Such bullshit!

Why did you lobotomize the app?

In what world are the devs living?

You should fire everyone who signed off on this.

Shame on all of you.

Please fire whoever thought of this ASAP.

Some of those are understandable justification for taking a mental health day. So how do you head into work the next day ready and confident? There are myriad ways to move on:

1. Think long-term: Every decision you make will piss off someone. If you stay in this job, you will make decisions, and therefore you will piss people off. The game is make decision that minimize the number and intensity of pissed-off people (or if you prefer a positive framing – I don’t – make decisions that do the most good for the most people). Then if you know you’ll accept it eventually, you may as well accept it now. Done!

2. Consider their qualifications: The idea that @says_mean_stuff is somehow qualified to make a product decision, let alone a firing decision, is laughable. It’s so laughable that many online stories feature a hapless grocery store employee whose job is to “get fired” whenever some irate customer demands it. It’s just absurd and ridiculous to judge ourselves by the words of online commenters. We have to trust ourselves, our peers, and the process to determine what’s right and wrong. You can’t let them get you down.

3. Judge them how you judge yourself: Let’s be honest; I’ve said some rude, unthinking, not-carefully-considered things to the userbase at times. I’ve been advised by managers that I’m sometimes too terse, and I can sense a dismissive, disgusted tone re-reading some of my own online comments. I give myself some slack, and these folks deserve some slack too.

4. Read for expression, not literalism: Commenting on public issue trackers can feel like tilting at windmills. People of every age largely resort to anger when they aren’t being heard, so using all caps, swearing, threatening, and insulting are just how they convey how important the issue is. I wouldn’t say it’s an effective method, but then again, a good PM is effectively a professional communicator. We can afford to meet users more than halfway.

5. It’s a team effort: It’s nearly impossible for you, as the PM, to be the only person responsible for this change; it’s a team effort. So would you also fire the PM Director who has made every right strategic decision and put revenue through the roof? The TLM who could do all of your jobs better than you do if she only wanted to? Obviously not. And so neither should you be fired.

6. You’re getting paid: When you accept greater challenges, you get a bigger paycheck. Obviously there’s a line between challenge and abuse, but you get to define where that line is for yourself. We’re certainly not getting paid to stay fat, happy, and comfortable. So read the messages, feel the growth, and be grateful for the paycheck.

7. Remember the kind ones: Most people are perfectly reasonable, and some are even funny. You can always choose to remember as many of those as you do of the nastygrams.

O devs, in your everlasting mercy, please hear our prayers.

We will not be sated by empty answers such as “omg lol u can just use a different app”.

If nothing else, you can always feel safe knowing your coworkers are going to look at you the same way even after reading what @says_mean_stuff said about you online. Be thankful for them.